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Expert Views

Why Seniors Fail In Dating?


find seniorsFalling in love when you are older looks like a daunting task. Even though as we grow older our craving for love and having someone special in our life increases but we start creating mind blocks that lead us to believe that it will be almost impossible to find that special someone with whom we can have a romantic relationship after turning 40 or 50. I can’t say why exactly this happens, the reason could be varied but the most common reason is loss of self worth. Most people when they turn 40 or 50, stop considering themselves to be attractive either physically, mentally or both and because of this they feel that they won’t be able to attract anyone towards them. How others perceive of you depends mostly on how you think of yourself, this may be because of vibes that we put out there based on what we feel we are worth. So if you consider yourself to be unattractive and boring, even the few times when you would have tried to date you would have failed miserably because of these vibes that you gave out and these few failures would have in turn made your belief stronger that you indeed have become unattractive thus creating a vicious circle of failures and reduced self image and confidence.


So what is the first thing you need to do? Change your thoughts and stop believing that you are unattractive? This is impossible; nobody can change their thoughts just by thinking about changing them. Thoughts generally lead to actions, what I mean by that is that before you act on something you think about it so if you are having some happy thoughts, you automatically start acting and feeling happy. Now based on research it has been proved that this also works the other way around that is actions also lead to thoughts. So if you want happy thoughts start acting happy, start smiling and you will soon realize that you automatically start having happy thoughts. Now thoughts are not in our control but actions are totally in our control. So if you want to increase your own self worth and start feeling attractive again, start acting in a way that will make you think you are attractive. What are these actions? Simple think what actions you would take if you thought you were attractive? You would dress up well for one, start getting into shape by exercising, watch what you eat. So now start doing these things even if you feel you are unattractive and none of these things are going to help you. Of course don’t expect miracles and your thoughts to change overnight, if you consciously do these actions for few weeks you will start to see results. You will start to feel young again and think that you can definitely attract someone towards you. You will start to realize that you are not defined by your age but how you feel about yourself.


Now I have spent a lot of time talking about physical attractiveness but the problem with seniors is not only physical attractiveness but also mental attractiveness. The most interesting thing that seniors like to do is watch TV. Now think back to your college days how much time you spent back then watching TV, hardly any I would imagine. Back then you might have wanted to explore the world yourself rather than watch it on the tube. This kind of attitude leads to mental attractiveness. So the first thing I urge you to do is shut TV totally out of your life. This may sound radical but this is the only way you will be forced to go out there and meet people and meeting people is your only chance of finding someone special. Now for some people it might not be TV but it might be online surfing. Unless you are surfing online to meet someone like on a dating site, if you are just spending your day doing mindless surfing or reading news, your mind is thinking that you are not social or that you can spend your day watching TV or on internet and just play it safe rather than exposing yourself to a potentially difficult situation of interacting with other people. So my only suggestion here is to shut off that TV completely and limiting your internet surfing or computer usage to something like 30 minutes / day.


Also don’t make the excuse that you are online because you are trying to find someone special. You of course can initiate contact with someone online but your best chance of taking the relationship forward is to take that relationship from online to offline, which means you need to set up a date and go out together not just spend days / weeks chatting or exchanging emails.